i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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