At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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