The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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