I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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