I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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