Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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