So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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