She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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