And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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