cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think my moral compass just broke
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize