Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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