i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize