I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize