Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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