All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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