The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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