my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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