So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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