U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize