3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize