As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Michael Bay diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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