Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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