You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize