4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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