Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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