from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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