Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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