I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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