my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize