she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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