I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize