yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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