I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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