I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize