she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize