the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
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I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ttyl tear gas
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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