Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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