I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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