i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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