just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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