you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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