I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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