Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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