I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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