yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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