Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize