I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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