Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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