so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize