Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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